My assignment for Round 2 was a Ghost Story, the setting was Group Therapy, and the story must include a baby carriage.
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Synopsis: A psychiatrist agonizes over his inability to reach the individuals in a group therapy session, until a new patient arrives.
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The New Patient
I parked in front of the Prescott Annex and struggled from my car, briefcase wedged under one elbow, and hands busy trying to answer my cell phone, which was chirping away, relentlessly.
“Hello,” I said, “Yes, I’m at the Mansion… No, honey, I’ll be home at seven.”
Sweet Virginia, must you be such a worrier?
I looked up at the old gothic house that Elizabeth Prescott had bequeathed to the hospital trust. The early evening shadows didn’t make it look appealing. Designated the Prescott Annex, it was called the Mansion by everyone. It housed office areas and outpatient mental health facilities.
Inside, Mrs.Trask hovered. “You’re late, Doctor. Your patients are already here.”
You couldn’t please Mrs. Trask, she would criticize the Pope.
I nodded and opened the door of the Group Therapy room. I knew Mrs. Trask would retreat to the staff kitchen as soon as I went inside. Four young people sat in chairs, arranged in a circle. I took an empty seat. They stared at me.
“Hello everyone,” I said.
“Hey, Doc, ” Lydia rubbed a tattoo on her wrist. Her tongue flicked out, touching a ring piercing her upper lip.
“Hello Dr. Morris,” Annie said. Her voice sounded thin and her teeth protruded. She hastily closed her lips over them.
“‘lo,” Johnny shifted in his seat. His long hair swung forward shielding his face.
Mark remained silent, unmoving.
“Last week I asked you to consider sharing with the group today. Who would like to start?”
No one spoke. I felt the weight of two fruitless sessions and sighed.
How can I reach them?
The door opened. A young woman came in pushing a baby stroller. She looked rumpled and damp.
Strange, I didn’t hear it start raining.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
“Hello, Dr. Morris, I’m Catherine Wilson,” she said, pushing the stroller beside an empty chair, and sitting down. “Don’t worry about my little one. He’s asleep. He won’t be any trouble. Go on with what you were doing.”
Catherine Wilson? Mrs. Trask must have left her off my list. That woman enjoys making my life difficult.
Four pairs of eyes narrowed as they stared at Catherine. But it didn’t matter; they hadn’t been participating before she arrived.
“We were sharing experiences. Sharing feelings with the group,” I said.
“Oh. You mean, telling why we attempted suicide,” Catherine said.
Everyone sat up straight. Alert. Even Mark.
“Why did you?” Lydia, the brave one, said.
It felt like the temperature in the room was dropping. Annie shivered, pulling the edges of her sweater together.
Good heavens, Mrs. Trask must have turned on the AC.
“Why…” Catherine said, her breath leaving a slight trace in the air. There was a whimper from the stroller. Catherine patted the child’s blanket softly. “It seemed the only thing I could do. I didn’t want to be a mother. All that responsibility. I had to drop out of high school. My parents, you see. There was no way out. ”
“I fantasize about killing myself all the time,” Lydia said, shivering. “My life is a mess, and I don’t know how to fix it.” A thin trickle of fog formed in front of her lips.
“My life is empty,” Annie said, crossing her arms. “There’s no reason to go on.”
I can’t believe it. The girls are opening up. All because of Catherine.
The lights flickered and dimmed. We all looked around, startled.
What the hell is wrong with the lights?
The baby let out a soft cry, and Catherine bent down to comfort him. I noticed water had pooled on the floor by the stroller and Catherine’s chair.
Where’s that water coming from?
“What about you, Johnny?” Catherine asked.
She knows Johnny?
“All I do is hurt people I care about.” Johnny zipped up his jacket and brushed hair from his eyes.
Catherine seems to have mesmerized them.
Eyes shifted to Mark, still sitting mute.
“Mark?” Catherine’s voice dropped into the silence.
There was a sudden clatter as files stacked on a table behind us slid like a paper waterfall to the floor. I turned to look and didn’t see Mark stand up.
“I just want to stop hurting,” Mark said, tears running down his cheeks.
I got up to go to him. The lights went off. I froze in the darkness. A crash sounded behind me. A series of thuds came from the back of the room. Then silence fell and the baby let out an unhappy wail. The lights flared. We all looked at Catherine as things slowly returned to normal. Mark and I sat down.
“You all want to escape from those feelings,” she said. She paused to tuck the blanket around the child. “There’s life after death… You may not believe it. You probably don’t think about it. But if you take your life, you still go on suffering from those feelings.”
“And the pain?” Mark said.
“It doesn’t stop. Life is our chance, our only chance. Keep trying. You can change things,” she said. “Please talk to Dr. Morris. He can help.”
The baby began to cry in earnest.
“Sorry, he’s tired. I have to go,” Catherine said, pushing the stroller toward the door.
We all stood up. Mark moved to follow her, but turned back confused. “She’s gone.” he said. “I didn’t open the door.”
The young people drifted together, exclaiming and starting to talk excitedly to each other. They looked confused, uncertain. They gave me tentative smiles. I wasn’t sure what had happened.
“Ran a little long tonight?” Mrs. Trask asked, opening the door.
“Yes, I suppose we did. We were lucky … Catherine Wilson decided to come. She made quite a contribution, for a new…patient,” I said, my voice hesitant.
“Did you say, Catherine Wilson?” Mrs. Trask’s eyes were wide.
“Yes.”
“Doctor, she drove off White River Bridge last week. Killed herself and her baby. It couldn’t be her. Catherine Wilson is dead.”
COPYRIGHT WAVADEVIN.COM 2018 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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The results of the judging was released on Wednesday, November 7th, 2018 at midnight. I received 11 points for The New Patient, giving me a total of 21 points cumulative. This meant I fell 1 point short of having enough points to go to the 3rd round of the competition. Here are the judges comments:
Dear Wava Devin,
The feedback from the judges on your Challenge #2 submission from the Flash Fiction Challenge 2018 is below. Congratulations on rising to the challenge and we hope you find the feedback helpful!
”The New Patient” by Wava Devin –
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY –
{1739} Catherine’s wisdom is very interesting as is the way she’s able to animate everyone.
{1597} I liked the way this very dark story actually turned out to be heartwarming. It was moving to see all of the characters slowly opening up. I liked the way you showed ghostly things happening in the meeting even though no one ever really commented on it.
{1772} The premise is creative and small details (like being able to see breath or a mysterious pool of water) help to aid in creating tension and put the reader on edge.
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK –
{1739} That Mrs. Trask immediately knew who Catherine was seemed a bit of a stretch. Consider giving a bit more information about how Trask would recognize the name, but the doctor wouldn’t.
{1597} I think the story could have been stronger if the reader knew how this meeting was different than the usual ones, other than Catherine coming. Did she just state things more directly than the doctor does? Having her ask “why we attempted suicide” is a bit of a misdirect since she actually completed hers, and seems aware of this – you might want to rephrase it. I think the ending feels a little bit rushed – didn’t any of them remark on the fact she disappeared? They say the meeting ran long but it seems fairly brief – maybe you could find a way to make it feel more extended.
{1772} If the doctor is the protagonist, he needs to be more active, instead of mostly a bystander. For example, he might stop Catherine, at first, from being so upfront or bold. Or he might try to lead the group in a more active way. It is unclear if the fact that Catherine is a ghost is supposed to be not revealed until the end. It becomes increasingly obvious that there is something ghostly about her before this end reveal. It might help, if it is meant to be a twist, to make her ghostly features more subtle. This, too, might mean more activity from the doctor, as he tries to explain the strange things that are occurring or does not realize what is going on.
Wava Devin Writing 